


the willow in the wind

by laurelsalexis



Category: Bones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag: s03e15 The Pain in the Heart, F/M, Fake Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28406067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurelsalexis/pseuds/laurelsalexis
Summary: Set during 3x15 the pain in the heart where Booth's death is faked. Brennan doesn't take it well, Zack hurts her even more, and it takes every ounce of courage she has to not run for the hills.
Relationships: Seeley Booth/Temperance Brennan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a one shot but I got carried away so! xx

Booth was shot. 

Booth was dead.

Booth was dead  _ because _ of her. 

Those were the only three things she could think of as she sat in the middle of her bed. Her hair was damp from the shower she took, the shower Angela  _ forced  _ her to take. She would have sat there all night long with Booth’s blood on her hands and all over her clothes no matter how irrational that was. The blood, the  _ scent  _ of him on her, was all of Booth that she had left. She held onto him so tightly even as they rode in the ambulance. She made sure they knew under no uncertain terms that she would not be leaving. It was only when they got to the hospital that she parted with him so the doctors could save him, and only because the nurses told her that she was only going to get in the way.

It didn't matter. He died anyway. 

Booth died and she was  _ alone _ . 

Not in the literal sense as Angela was in the kitchen making some tea. Angela hadn’t left her side the entire time. The minute she sat in the hospital waiting room Angela was right by her side. She sat there and offered words that were meant to be of comfort to her. Angela let her rest her head on her shoulder, let her hug her, and eventually drove her home when she got the final word there was nothing more they could do. 

She didn’t have the strength to fight what they told her. She didn’t question it. Brennan followed her gut, just like he would, and her gut told her the moment that Pam shot him it wasn’t going to end well.

With Booth the two of them often broke the news to people that their loved ones were dead. Brennan had never been on the other side of that. Not that Booth was her loved one. They were  _ partners _ . She reacted like a partner would. Nothing more than a partner. She almost wanted to call Sully to ask about what losing his partner was like but losing Booth needed to be hers. 

She couldn’t quite face, in a logical and rational way, that Booth was gone. She was emotional throughout the entire evening. She shed more tears than she was willing to admit. Angela’s shirt was no doubt ruined from the blood she got upon it, as well as the tears. If she didn’t have Angela she wasn’t certain what she would have done. She had no idea what she was going to do without Booth. 

Angela was her best friend, but Booth was her  _ partner _ . 

He saw her through so much. He saw her through things that she did not think that she would be able to face on her own. Even as she sat on that bed the person she would talk to about what she was supposed to be doing,  _ feeling _ , everything, was Booth. Angela would be there for her, would hold her as she cried, would say something encouraging, but she needed Booth.

**Needed** .

It was probably the first time she realized how intertwined their lives were. He was always there whenever he needed her. Even when they first started working together as partners he showed up. Didn’t matter if he was dating Tessa or Cam or whoever else he was keeping from her. He showed up.

Now he couldn’t show up. 

He was  **dead** .

If she kept thinking that he was dead and repeating the word over and over in her head perhaps it would actually begin to connect. She understood why it was not as if it was real. It was all rooted in psychology. That was what the five stages of grief were...simple psychology that did not apply to everyone. Sweets would find a deeper meaning as he often did since they first met. She was not denying he was dead. She was not angry, she was not bargaining, and she was not depressed. She was on acceptance. Even if it did not feel real. She had not seen his body. Brennan didn’t have the strength. 

After her parents disappeared she did not believe they were dead because she had not seen a body. Her mother was dead. Her father was alive. It worked and failed on both accounts.

Suddenly, even if it was not so sudden at all, the tears started to fall. She allowed them to roll down her cheeks as her damp hair fell around her. It was the first time she  _ really  _ let herself cry, sob even, let the emotion take over any national thought, let so many things fill her as the image of Booth lying on the ground with a bullet in his chest reappeared.

She put her hands over her face as she tried desperately to control herself. She felt like she couldn’t breath. A hiccup came as she tried to get the tears to stop falling down her face. She desperately tried to stay quiet. She didn’t want to worry Angela almost as much as she was trying to avoid a true breakdown. She could survive. She  _ would  _ survive. She always did and Seeley Joseph Booth was not going to be the one that caused her undoing. 

“Sweetie,” Angela whispered as her weight shifted the bed, wrapping her arms around Brennan, pulling her close. “It’s okay.” 

“Booth is dead.” 

“I know.” She stroked her arm. “I’m so sorry.” 

“He’s really gone.” Brennan cried until she simply couldn’t cry anymore. Her mind barely registered Angela was there even as the warmth of her arms was keeping her steady. She felt like she was going to be sick. 

The tears finally slowed to a stop. 

She blinked even as her makeup was ruined and the burn of her mascara was causing a distraction from the overwhelming grief she felt. “I need to go to work.” She told her in a matter of fact manner, voice raw, eyes puffy and swollen from crying, inhaling sharply to try to keep herself together. 

“No, Brennan. You are taking tomorrow off. You are going to lay in bed in your pajamas. You are going to be sad. We are going to watch bad movies, eat takeout, and binge on ice cream. You are not going to look at a single bone.” 

“Angela, I have to work.” She reiterated. “There are things I need to work on. I can’t let this stop my life.” 

“No.” She said, more firmly this time. “This is not up for discussion.” 

“Ange -”

“Honey, Booth  _ died _ .” Her voice got softer. “He died and that hurts. Every one of us hurts. We are taking tomorrow off. All of us. This is too much even for you. Even if you can’t see it right now.” 

“I am not going to be able to convince you, am I?”

“No.” Angela was satisfied she won that one. “You are not.” 

“I don’t want tea anymore.” Brennan said eventually as she accepted that Angela was not going to let her go back to the lab. She was more than capable of driving herself there when Angela was asleep and working until someone found her there and dragged her home. Except she was quite tired and taking a few hours off seemed acceptable. She would be okay by mid afternoon and would be able to go back to work. 

“That’s okay.” Angela said as she got up from the bed. “I’ll be right back.” 

While Angela was gone Brennan wiped her face and did her best to compose herself entirely. She would not make a habit of losing control of her emotions. She laid back down on the bed and closed her eyes. All she could see was Booth. She did not understand how she was supposed to go on without him. She also didn’t understand how someone like him worked his way into her life so thoroughly. 

They were opposites in every meaning of the word. She believed in science. He believed in his gut. She didn’t believe in God. He did. She was clinical. He was emotional. She was open minded. He was closed minded. They bickered more than they didn’t. They drove each other absolutely mad. She already missed him more than she could articulate or even understand. Part of the pain was she could not quantify why she was having such a reaction to losing him. 

Surely this would be a reaction that Rebecca would be experiencing. She may not have been in a relationship with Booth anymore, but he was the father to her child. They shared a unique bond that Brennan did not share with Booth. 

“What are you thinking about?” Angela asked quietly as she laid down next to her in the bed. 

“Work.” A lie. She did not even try to lie well. She knew Angela well enough to know that she would want to talk about the feelings that Brennan was experiencing. “I have some remains in Modular Skeletal Storage -”

“Limbo.”

“You know I don’t like that term.”

“It’s a good term. You’ll come around.” Angela dismissed. “Some of those bodies are hundreds of years old. They can wait until Monday.”

Brennan opened her eyes and laid her hands on her stomach. “This is what I do. I work. I solve cases that no one else can. I identify remains. Those people deserve to know someone is looking for answers.” 

“They do.” Angela brushed Brennan’s hair from her forehead. “Bren, you need to put yourself first sometimes. Just take a day off. You can go back to pretending this means nothing tomorrow.” 

Brennan said nothing as she shut her eyes so she could see him again. It was something she did a lot when she wanted to see her mother. She would shut her eyes so tightly as she envisioned her face as she remembered it as a fifteen year old girl. She never wanted to forget her mother’s face. Now she didn’t want to forget Booth’s face. She needed to remember everything about him. 

When she opened her eyes again the sun was flickering through the window. Angela was still sound asleep. Brennan slowly got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom, making sure to quietly close the door behind her. She needed a few minutes to be alone. 

As she looked in the mirror she noticed how rundown she looked. She looked sad, tired, and someone who needed a meal, another shower, and an actual night of rest. 

She’d been sad before. Usually Booth was there to make her feel better. 

She had to adapt on her own. For years, that was exactly what she did. She adapted on her own as she tried to figure out the path in life she wanted to take. When Booth came into her life she found herself leaning on him more than was acceptable. 

The vision looking back at her reflection was overwhelming. Her hands were on the edge of the sink. She looked down, taking a deep breath, shutting her eyes.

That’s where Booth was and would always be. 

The first time she saw him she only took notice of him because he interrupted her lecture. Every student was there early, knowing she did not like tardiness, but he walked in towards the end. He was handsome. Booth didn’t wear his hair with such a stark part anymore but she had enjoyed it. She enjoyed him from the moment her eyes laid on him. He was attractive. Their first case together caused a rift between them, but that felt so long ago.

Now he could only exist behind the lids of her eyes, in her mind, in her  _ heart _ . Brennan still wasn’t that willing to admit that. Certainly with how illogical it was. Booth was currently living in a hospital morgue, before he went to a funeral home, only to finally rest in a coffin. His final resting place would be in the dirt. 

The knock on the bathroom door caused her to jump slightly. “I’m fine, Angela.” 

“You’ve been in there an hour.”

She opened the door and looked at her, confusion riddled across her features. “I seem to be losing large amounts of time.”

“That’s called grief.” 

She frowned. “I do not find this acceptable.” 

“Come on.” Angela wrapped her arm in Brennan’s. “I ordered us some lunch.” 

“It’s the morning.” 

“It’s one pm.” 

“Oh.” Brennan looked over at the clock and saw that Angela was correct. She must have slept longer than she thought. “Thank you.” 

She wasn’t hungry but Angela informed her that she still had some time before the food got there. She went back into her bedroom to change into something more comfortable. Or at least clean. 

Angela never seemed to leave her alone for long. They ate while she talked about the movie that was on in the living room. The television existed where she didn’t even want one. She hardly needed it. She mainly bought it so when Booth came over he could watch what he wanted while she flipped through her book. They had a lot of comfortable nights where he put on some sporting event she did not care for, usually hockey. Often she read or worked on her next book. 

Now it only served as another reminder of him. 

* * *

Booth woke slowly, blinking rapidly, doing his best to figure out exactly where the hell he was. He was confused, tired, in pain, and groggy. The grogginess hit him with the most intensity. Second came the tube in his throat, causing him a certain uncomfortable sensation, trying to figure everything out. He struggled until a nurse came in, muttered something, and soon enough the overwhelming desire to be asleep hit him like a train.

The next time he woke up it was far less traumatic. He was still struggling to come to and exactly where he was. 

_ Bones _ . 

He would have thought she would be there sitting in the chair. Or maybe he thought she cared more about him than she did. 

Until it hit him. He took the bullet for her. 

The whole moment was but a minute. That didn’t stop him from feeling guilty about the fact that he seemed to forget. He remembered turning around to see Pam holding the gun, pointing right at Bones as she sang on that stage, having fun, and without thinking about it at all he jumped in front of the gun so that the bullet would hit him, not her.

It was what partners did. 

The rest came in bits and pieces. 

The way she was trying to stop the bleeding, the panic on her face, and the way she was screaming his name over and over. 

He wanted to see her. 

Booth fell back asleep against his own will. When he woke up again it was Cullen sitting in the chair. Booth tried his best to sit up but the weight of everything was too much.

“Don’t hurt yourself anymore than you already have, Booth.” Cullen said as he stood. “We need to talk about Scott Stevenson.” 

That was a name Booth hadn’t heard in years. It was a case that remained unsolved and it ate at him. He knew that it ate at Cullen, too, knowing that the guy was out there. “I’m not going to like this, am I?”

“No.” Cullen shook his head. “You’re dead. We have already informed Rebecca that you are, in fact, not dead. I don’t plan on traumatizing a child on my list of sins.” 

“How long?”

“Until he comes out.” Cullen shrugged. “It could be days or months. Intel suggests he will likely wait until your funeral. I need the names of anyone else you want told you are alive. They will have to be vetted first, so I can’t guarantee anything.” 

“You never can.” Booth answered. “Respectively, sir.” 

“Names, Booth. I have things to do. An agent will remain with you until you can be moved to a more secure facility to wait out the remainder of your recovery.”

“Jared Booth. Hank Booth. You said Rebecca already knows. Uh, Bo - Temperance Brennan.” He was tired again. Whatever medication they had him on made him feel good but exhausted. The intake of information was already a lot. Briefly, he thought about his mom and dad. He decided against it. That was a can of worms he wasn’t ready to open up. “That’s it.” 

Cullen gave no reaction. “If you need anything let Agent Sanders know.” 

Booth fell back to sleep for another hour before he felt like he was wide awake. The case was national security so he understood why they were taking advantage of the situation put before them. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like being on the outside of the operation. He wanted to be hunting that guy wherever the hell he was. Not that he was any shape. His chest hurt like a bitch and he forgot how bad it felt to be shot. About as bad as when he felt when he got blown up in Bones’ living room. 

“How are you feeling?” Dr. Birdez asked as he looked over the vitals. 

“I’m ready to get out of this room.” Booth said, sitting up in the bed. The pain was in his chest but he knew how to operate around the pain. He’d been held captive, tortured, and shot while in the Army. He’d been shot at and blown up while in the FBI. The bullet hole healing in his chest was nothing. “I need to get out of here.” 

The doctor said nothing for a moment. “We’ll arrange a transfer for tomorrow.” 

“Where am I going?”

“Nice try, Agent Booth.” Dr. Birdez smiled. “I do not know any more than you do. In fact, I’m quite certain I know even less. I’m under very strict orders.”

“Worth a shot.” Booth said as he settled back against the bed.

“You’re free to walk around.” He said as he was at the door. “This floor is currently empty.”

“Real VIP patient.” He said somewhat sarcastically. 

Booth gave it a couple of minutes before he swung his legs around the edge of the bed. He wondered what Bones was doing.  _ Working _ . She probably wasn’t even phased by their little separation while he was on some undercover operation that she couldn’t be told about. 

He missed her. He couldn’t say if she missed him, though. He never could quite understand her. Sometimes it felt like they were moving closer to something and other times it felt like they were moving so far away from something, from everything. He couldn’t have been the only one left confused after their mistletoe kiss.

Yes, it was because Caroline was feeling puckish and for Bones to spend time with family at Christmas. Didn’t mean she had to kiss him like  _ that _ , though. 

Bones wasn’t the type he could just ask either. He couldn’t rush her. If something was brewing between them and Booth firmly believed that it was he couldn’t just spring it on her. She would just run the other way. Booth had way too much to think as he tried to stand. He was a little wobbly just from being in the bed for so long. 

It took for him to the door before he felt any sense of stability. He leaned against the frame for a moment. 

“Do you need something, sir?” One of the agents asked.

“I just want to walk around.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Booth said, staring at the man. “I can walk. I’m not dead.”

“Of course not, sir.” He took a step back, voice a little shaky. “The entire floor is secure.” 

“When was the last time you did a sweep?”

“0800.” He answered after a moment.

“It’s 1200 now.” Booth said after he looked at the clock on the wall. “Do you really think every four hours is acceptable?”

“No, sir.” 

“Do it again.”

“Yes, sir.” 

Booth felt like himself ordering someone around. That was better. When the agent returned he walked around the hall, slowly, not going to be running round any time soon. He had no contact with the outside world and it annoyed him. It was going to annoy him further. It wasn’t just that he couldn’t talk to Bones, but he couldn’t talk to Parker. 

Things with Rebecca had been better over the last year. They were on a steady schedule...most of the time. He still didn’t care for Captain Fantastic. That was definitely rooted in a fear that Parker would think of him as a good father and Booth as the absent one. When he got out of this mess he was definitely going to spend the whole weekend with him.

As he was moved to the secure safe house things only got more boring and he only grew more irritable. Booth wanted to see Bones and Parker. Or talk to them. Or do  _ anything _ . He was healing well as he sat in the bed and watched the television. A baseball game was on and he was grateful for the distraction. 

He’d only been there a few hours when he was hoping that the little son of a bitch would come out of the woodwork sooner rather than later. 

Booth was informed that the funeral would be held the next week. That’s all he needed to do. 

Wait a week.

One week he would get Scott and would get to see his kid and Bones again.

What was one week?

* * *

The rest of the week went by in a blur for Brennan. Even when Angela drove her to go to the lab so that she could work it felt  _ different _ . As if she was living a life that someone else was controlling. 

She knew it was different because Booth was dead. 

She spent most, if not all, of her time in Modular Skeleton Storage. Angela would always call it Limbo. It was a comforting exchange. Like the ones she shared with Booth. 

He got pie. She got cheesecake. It was a comforting exchange. 

Brennan found that while she did not excel in lying it grew to be infinitely easier. 

Angela and Cam would tell her to go home in order to get some sleep. She would say she would and she wouldn't. She would sleep for a few hours in her office, shower, and change. Whether they truly believed it was not something she knew the explicit answer to. 

They whispered about her when they thought she was not listening. Most times she interrupted them about something work related. Other times she simply allowed them to talk. It was out of concern. As long as they didn't treat her differently she could let things slide.

Booth would tell her to leave it be. He would tell her they were worried and were being good friends... _ family _ , even. She would say that they were not related, all the while understanding that he meant a different kind of family. 

She remembered being outside the diner. She said she didn't get to be in a family while Booth put his finger under her chin. Those moments always gave her pause and wonder. 

Brennan knew that there was always something between her and Booth. It confused her. It made her wish to be at a greater distance. She needed to put space and distance. 

She was not what  _ he _ needed. 

Such thoughts were fleeting as she did not allow them to be entertained. They could be used as nothing more than a fantasy to satisfy biological urges. They would not be entertained otherwise. 

That night she grew tired and moved to her office. She hadn't even been to the diner. Instead she ate what she remembered to bring with her. Brennan knew she was falling into behaviors that were unhealthy. She remained unconcerned. 

The couch was not comfortable but it was hers. She fought sleep as long as she could. Booth was always there in her dreams, just as he was always there when she shut her eyes. It was simply the unreliability of her dreams that made her not want to sleep. She could not predict what happened. She didn’t want to relive the shooting anymore than she had to. 

At least Pam was dead. 

"Booth.” She woke with a start, moving so that she was sitting up on the couch.

“No,” Angela was sitting at the arm of the couch, “Sorry to disappoint. Were you dreaming about him again?”

“No.” She denied it easily. “I simply forgot where I was while in a certain state of dreaming. I will not make that mistake again.”

“Booth’s funeral is next week.”

“I’m not going.” She stood and walked over to get her lab coat. “Anything else? I have work to do.”

“What do you mean you aren’t going?”

“I will not be attending.” Brennan said as she walked towards the door. “I’m not certain how to make that any clearer.”

Angela followed her. “You have to go.”

“Booth is dead. He will not hear me speaking to him. His corpse decomposing in the casket will do nothing to let him know anything. He’ _ s...dead _ .” 

“ _ Brennan _ .”

“I have work to do Angela and it would be best if you did not distract me.” As far as Brennan was concerned the conversation was over. 

Brennan was only slipping further and further into compartmentalizing. She did not have time or the strength to deal with her emotions. 

The last week only seemed to emotionally drain her. 

She missed him. It was simply very difficult for her to admit to that. 

Brennan fell into a pattern. She worked. She ate something to keep her sustained so she could do her job. She didn't go to the diner or to the bar they liked or even drove down the street where his apartment building was. 

When she did manage to go home because Angela was extra insistent she shower, sleep, and eat she found that the memories of the two of them were too strong. 

She remembered making him mac and cheese. He was so happy over something so simple. 

That was Booth in a nutshell...simple things made him happy. If he was there he would assume that she meant he was simple. He wasn't. If he was she was certain she would have known him entirely without surprise. She was a scientist, after all. She was good at figuring out those around her. Even with Angela she could anticipate what she was going to say before she said it.  _ Mostly _ . Booth so often said things that made her ponder.

As the day of the funeral grew closer she spent as much time as she could at the lab. Brennan was satisfied that Zack was learning more than she had been there to teach him in the past few months. She did not want him to only focus on the fresh cases that the FBI,  _ Booth _ , brought them, but to truly be able to identify remains from hundreds, if not thousands, of years ago. They had all gotten distracted and Brennan wasn’t going to let that happen anymore. 

Brennan looked in the mirror the morning of the funeral. She wasn’t going. She did not care what Angela said or what Cam said or anyone else who thought that they knew her. Booth was dead and standing around a hole in the ground wasn’t going to matter. 

It was a waste of time. There was no closure. She was going to have an open ended hole in her life. That was what the death of her mother left her with. She was better off for knowing what happened to her, but there was still a hole. Her mother was dead,  _ murdered _ . Booth was dead,  _ murdered _ . 

“We have work to do, Zack.” Brennan said as she got to work and put her lab coat on. It was decided that if anyone asked her about the funeral she would ignore them. 

“Of course, Dr. Brennan.” He followed her to the platform.

They spent the next forty five minutes looking over the remains. It was one she was working on for the better part of the week. A nice distraction from everything happening in her life that she chose to avoid. She was close to making a discovery that would lead her to know exactly who it was. 

She always found safety in science. 

She was interrupted as they came to tell her that it was time for the funeral. She never once gave the impression that she was going. It was not something she would concede on, like when she actually left the lab for the night, or when she pretended not to notice how they were all hovering. 

In the past days she noticed how often Sweets was there.

She was being watched, coddled, even. It unsettled her. 

Brennan did not enjoy conceding and having to go to the funeral. She was hardly going to leave Angela in a vulnerable position. It was for Angela. No one else. There was a very brief moment if she wondered if she was being manipulated in order to go. Angela was not deliberately cruel, though. She may have been lost in her own grief and trying her best to pretend she was fine, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t see how the others around her were struggling, too. 

Angela was far more emotional than Brennan ever allowed herself to be, and he dated Cam for a period of time the previous year. They struggled as she did. They were simply more open with the people around them while she hid in skeletal remains that brought her everything she needed. 

She said nothing as they rode to the cemetery. She didn’t notice anyone she thought would be there, however, perhaps they were cultured enough to know that funerals were simply a waste of time. 

The whole thing made her uncomfortable. Booth couldn’t hear Caroline. He could not hear the priest. He would not even know whether any of them were there or not. It did not matter to Booth because he was  _ dead _ . She wished that people would understand that, even if wishing was also a waste of time. She presented her thoughts and no one seemed to agree so there she stood. 

There was a split second as the chaos broke out that Brennan thought she was imagining things. A  _ hallucination _ . She had not ingested anything that would have such effects on the body. Even in her deepest moments of grief safely locked away in her apartment she did not see Booth standing there in any capacity. Surely she would not have imagined him in such a military attire. She stood to reason she would envision him with that cocky belt buckle and that cocky look on his face. 

All of that only meant that everything she was seeing was real.

Booth was really standing there as the coffin was knocked over, revealing a dummy to everyone who attended. 

Brennan couldn’t remember the last time that she felt such blind rage at him, at  _ anyone _ . 

The urge to hit him was irrational. As irrational as hitting him was. Her anger was irrational. The last two weeks were irrational.

Oh, she was  **livid** . 

Her hand hurt after hitting him in the jaw. Even with the pain she felt, in more ways than one, she was glad for him to be there to be on the other end of her wrath. She felt such a feeling of relief as she walked towards the car that for a minute she let the fury slip away, but only for a moment. 

“Sweetie, are you okay?” Angela asked as she went after her, falling in line with her.

“Yes.” Brennan answered. “I will be going back to the lab now.”

“Bones wait!” Booth called out for her. 

“I have remained to identity considering that man is  _ actually  _ dead.” Her reply was short. “I am not interested in anything you have to say, Booth.” 

Brennan didn’t turn back to look at Booth. If she did she was going to hit him again. 

* * *

Booth wasn’t fully healed when the funeral was scheduled. He was still tired. His chest was still sore. They gave him some painkillers but he tried to take them sparingly. His dad was an addict. He was an addict. Pills weren’t part of that but he didn’t want anything to tempt him too much given it was clear it was in his DNA. 

Better to be cautious than a dead junkie. 

“What are you thinking about?” 

The voice gave him a bit of a startle as he was putting his uniform on for the funeral they needed to be at in an hour. He didn’t turn his head to Charlie, who had been with him the past few days. “My kid.” And Bones, but he kept that one to himself. There were already rumors all around the bureau about the nature of their relationship. He didn’t need to add fuel to that fire. 

With any luck everything would be over today and he wouldn’t need to keep underground. He missed Parker more than words could describe. He missed Bones. He missed work. He missed being normal. 

“This the longest you’ve been away from him?” The other agent asked.

“Nah.” Booth replied softly. “Just made a bunch of promises I don’t wanna break.” He also didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He loved Parker and loved talking about Parker. He didn’t love how every conversation seemed dangerously close to getting into his own insecurities about what kind of father he was. “Let’s just get this over with so I can get the fuck out of here.” 

“You got it.” 

Booth took one last look in the mirror with military precision before they got in the car to arrive at the funeral. He kept a stern, professional, military grade expression on his face. His eyes shifted every so often to see the people there. Could have definitely been more people there, but considering he wasn’t actually dead seemed nothing he could really complain about. 

Instead Booth kept his head down as he watched Bones arrive with everyone else. He wanted to go talk to her. The funeral was starting. Nothing.  _ Yet _ . Scott would come out of the woodwork. He would think he was safe. The whole thing would be over and Booth could go back to being alive. He could talk to Bones, maybe go to the diner, and spend his weekend with Parker. It was a perfect plan. 

The sound of Bones’ voice ringing through the crowd was beginning to distract him. Only slightly. He was an Army Ranger. He could shoot someone right between the eyes as someone screamed in his ear. A fact that he wasn’t particularly proud of, but it was something he knew to be true. 

At least Bones was being Bones. Even if she wasn’t crying.

Maybe he did care more for her than she did him.

_ Not the time, Booth. _

Then suddenly he sprang into action. There was Scott. They got into a brawl only for Bones to help him out. 

At least they were still partners, and it was still as hot watching her as it was on their first case together.

_ Really not the time.  _

“Ow.” His hand went to his jaw as everything happened so fast that he barely registered that she was the one who punched him. What the hell was that for? 

He wasn’t exactly that happy to see her in that moment. 

"What the hell, Seeley?" Cam asked as she stood in front of him, offering her hand out. “We thought you were dead.” 

"Undercover operation." He said as he got off the ground. His chest hurt like hell from the takedown. They tried to get him to hold back, but he wouldn't. He had to take him down. "They had to believe it." 

"She's going to be really mad for a long time." 

"She was supposed to know." Booth said. “I gave her name to Cullen.” 

“Well, she didn’t.” Cam said, giving him a look that Booth knew too well. “None of us did.”

“Bones, wait!” Booth called out as he tried to chase her down, ignoring Cam for the moment. The other agents would take care of Scott. He would see him later to make sure he knew it was him. He had more pressing matters to discuss with her. “Come on, Bones. Let me explain.”

“I don’t care.” She said as she got in the car and shut the door right on his face.

“Do you want a ride?” Angela asked him. “I want to hear this.”

“Yes.” Booth said and got in the backseat next to her, not caring Angela was using them as her entertainment. “It wasn’t my call. You have to believe me.”

“I don’t care.” Brennan said as she put her seatbelt on and wouldn’t look at him. “And I do not have to believe anything.”

“Clearly you do care. You punched me.”

“He has a point.” Angela said. 

Both he and Bones stared at her. 

“Cullen came to me.” Booth started again, “Told me I was dead. They wanted to fake my death in order for me to get the guy. National security.” Which just meant he would probably tell her about it later. He had a habit of sharing those kinds of things knowing that she wouldn’t really rat him out. Who else was she spilling about cases to? No one. 

“I don’t care.”

Booth let out a breath but said nothing else. She was only serving to irritate him further. Before he was so happy to see her and now he kind of wished he was back at the safe house. 

Reality fucking bit. 

“Are you ready to listen now?” He asked as they got out of the car and started walking to the lab.

Brennan’s death glare told him the answer to that. 

Her calling his funeral a waste of time didn’t exactly sit well with him either. The whole thing was going to give him high blood pressure. If she thought that he was really dead why wasn’t she crying? It wasn’t as if she was against it for some feminist or anthropological reason. He saw her cry before. “Bones, come on. You were supposed to know. You know, I wouldn’t do this to you.”

“No, I don’t since you clearly did this.” Brennan replied as she walked up on the platform. “You manipulated me. I find that cruel.”

“I didn’t manipulate you.”

“You didn’t tell me.” She was seething. “After everything you didn’t tell me.  _ Me _ , Booth. I am your partner.” 

When Sweets interrupted them to tell them that Bones actually had passion and was upset she had to face emotions she would rather not well, Booth had to agree. They had passion for sure. Somehow, that only made her more angry at him. 

He had to bow out before he said something that would really send them both over the edge.

Booth let out a deep breath before he turned his head to see her holding a mandible. A bad feeling rushed over him instantly. It was that gut feeling that drove his every move. 

It was Gormogon’s work. He didn’t need to see the silver screws or even the marks of it being snacked on. He just knew. What other kind of psycho would mail a damn piece of the jaw to Bones? No one. That kind of thing didn’t happen with normal people.

“Everyone off.” Booth ordered as he ushered them all down the platform once they uncovered the skeleton. Springing back into his role as an FBI agent was comfortable. God, he missed his gun. “This is a crime scene.” 

“Booth -”

“Off.” He said more forcefully. “No one gets to go back on there until my guys have cleared it and I say so. I don’t care.” 

As they waited for the other agents Bones wouldn’t even look at him. Booth knew better than to try to talk to her when she was like that. Instead he leaned against the stairs with his arms folded across his chest. They were talking about what they needed to do and what it meant. He was only half listening as he wondered why the hell she wasn’t told. 

Booth was broken from his thoughts as the agents marked off the scene and tossed him some clothes he could wear. He quickly changed before getting back out there. With his gun comfortably on his hip and back in his normal clothes he felt more like himself. He didn’t have time to worry about making Bones listen to him. 

Gormogon needed to be caught. 

He stood up there as he thought. It was a crime scene but unless they examined the skull there was no way they would make any progress. Sweets’ voice as he sought out his fifteen minutes of fame with the case distracted him. He really hated press interviews but expected nothing less from him. 

After another few minutes Booth conceded to them getting the ID. They weren’t going to get anywhere with him standing there pacing endlessly while he tried to figure out the right answer.

He needed his squints. 

“I’m going home.” He muttered mostly to himself as they stormed the platform. He really wanted to be home, in his bed, in his apartment. 

The apartment was the same as it was when he left it two weeks ago. He tossed the old and rotten food that was left in his fridge in the trash. He was glad he still had some beer left. Beer in the tub was going to unwind him from the day from hell. Not before he called Parker.

The phone call wasn’t very long as it was getting late and Parker had to get ready for bed since he had school in the morning. It didn’t matter. Just the few short minutes of hearing his son go on and on about how he made friends with the new guy who transferred in from California, the way he did all his homework and ate all his vegetables so Rebecca let him have ice cream before dinner that night, and how Brent was actually cool was enough.

Okay, Booth could live without ever having to hear about Captain Fantastic. 

Booth would rather have Parker warm to his mother’s boyfriend, though. He didn’t want the kid to be miserable. It just brought up the worry that he was going to warm up to Brent more than him. Booth pushed that thought of his head as quickly as it came. It came up a lot, though. Somehow it was always lingering in his mind. The never ending worry that he wasn’t good enough. 

Sweets would have a fucking field day with him.

With the squints working on the Gormogon case and promising Parker that he would spend the entire weekend eating pizza and ice cream with him he found himself in the bathroom. 

Perfect.

He had everything a man needed. With his comic in hand, cigar lit up, music on just a little too loud, and beer hat firmly on his head he settled down into the scalding hot water. Ah,  _ perfect _ . It was the simple pleasures in life that he really missed the most. 

Being able to be alone was also something he came to miss. Every time he spent just a little too long in the bathroom there was a knock at the door. As if he was going to climb out the window and run off. He actually did think about it once or twice when he was really fucking tired of playing monopoly. He wouldn’t, though. Booth had been a good soldier. 

Mostly. 

He didn’t disobey orders for selfish reasons. Parker’s birth wasn’t selfish in his mind. 

Suddenly, though, he wasn’t alone.

That was not how any of his fantasies with Bones barging into his bathroom went. Usually it was a lot more fun and they were both naked. Very, very naked and she didn’t look so angry with him. 

Of course, it wasn’t a fantasy. It was reality and as he learned once that day...reality fucking bit. Their arguing turned into him getting so irritated with her he stood up. He stared at her with a certain disbelief. She had the audacity to act like he committed some criminal act and as if saving her life by taking a bullet to the chest meant nothing. They didn’t see eye to eye on everything, but he at least thought she would see that saying her life was worth something.

He trusted her with everything. Booth would have never lasted that long if he didn’t trust her.

What the hell was she going on about? 

He needed to take a deep breath and relax. Booth promised that he would find out why she wasn’t told and was grateful when she left. How was he supposed to think when she was standing there while he was naked? Fantasy ruined. 

Hal Jordan would fix his foul moon in no time, as would drinking both cans of cold beer sitting on his head. 

It didn’t work. Instead he found himself throwing his comic on the counter, half landing in the sink. He sulked until the water went warm and he got out of the tub. Tomorrow he would figure out what went wrong and she would be mad at someone else. Anyone else but him. 

Zack getting himself blown up in the lab was not anything he factored in. Maybe he was greatly underestimating Gormogon. Sure, he was a cannibalistic serial killer, but it had to be related, didn’t it? It had to. 

He stood there as Brennan sat there by his bedside. He tried to be positive but the both of them weren’t exactly the kind who took that even if Booth knew he was lying. It was just something that people said when really bad things happened. He lost buddies in the war who died in his arms and Booth just went on about going home and grabbing a beer. They both knew it wasn’t going to happen but that didn’t stop him from saying it. Brennan and Zack just weren’t those kinds of people. They challenged everything. 

“I need to go back to the lab.” Brennan whispered softly as Zack finally managed to fall asleep in his bed. “I need to find out what happened.” 

“Let me drive you.” Was all Booth said as they left the hospital.

Booth took the time to go and find out exactly what happened when she didn't find out. It didn't seem all that important considering Zack was in the hospital with hands that would be fixed, almost sending Hodgins with him. He knew that Bones would want to know and would accuse him of something else if he didnt ask.

The moment he found out it was Swerts he was glad the kid shrink was spending time at the lab or Booth would have punched him on the face right then and there. 

He deserved it. 

He wasted no time in letting Bones know it was Sweets. On the drive there he expected her to get mad, punch him, yell at him, or any other number of things. Instead she pulled that rational bulshit that always got under his skin and made him want to pull all of his hair out right then and there. 

She didn’t seem to care and was still mad at him. 

_ Trust _ . That was the issue, apparently. That he didn't trust her. Except Booth trusted her with his life. Actually, he wasn’t sure that he trusted anyone more than he trusted her. It was something that made their partnership work for as long as it had without something coming between them. He knew that Bones was always going to be there. 

He felt like he was missing a piece that he couldn’t quite put in the puzzle. 

For the moment he let it go. They had to figure out who the hell Gormogon was so that they could put this case to rest and figure out how to get Zack back to normal. He didn’t always treat him the best, but he still liked the kid. 

Overhearing the pie conversation, well, he had to put a stop to that. 

Not today. Not ever when it came to Sweets.  _ Seduction _ ? No. He just liked pie. Even before he met her he liked pie and Booth was not going to have his pie ruined by some kiddie shrink who couldn’t even get himself a drink at the bar. 

He left the two of them behind while he stewed on the fact that he was not seducing her with pie. Or anything. If he was it wasn’t going to be pie. Wouldn't he do it with something she liked? Not over a drink since the tequila was the reason they didn’t sleep together on the first case...why was he thinking about it?

“Booth.” Cam’s voice rang out in the air as she was looking over at him. “I need your head in this case.” 

Booth nodded. “Yeah, I’m here. I got it.” 

* * *

Brennan could not focus on her anger and try to solve the Gormogon case at the same time. She had to push one aside so that she could figure out what exactly was going on. Zack needed answers and she wanted to know why this one person was trying to tear their team apart. 

She knew change was natural and necessary for the evolution of the world as a whole, but that did not mean she had to enjoy it. She preferred for things to say as they were, even if she could see just how much she changed over the last three years she was Booth’s partner. 

Had Brennan been a lesser person she would have had Booth beat Sweets up for what he did. She found it offensive and a breach of trust that Sweets would use his death as an experiment. Sweets did not even get to see just how... _ broken _ down she was by the loss she thought she faced. He only saw the person she was willing to share and how she was so often portraying the person who did not need anyone in her life, let alone an alpha male FBI agent that had become one of her closest confidants. 

Instead she warned him and went down the stairs to put her knowledge forward so that Gormogon could be taken care of. 

She reached the conclusion that it was someone from the Jeffersonian just as Booth said that it was an inside job. The mere idea shook her to her core. The lab brought her a certain comfort and as she stood there unsure of who to trust that gave her an unsettled feeling. She looked back at Booth who was on the phone and knew he was the one person she could trust. 

“Come on, Bones.” Booth said as the FBI techs took over the scene. “Let’s go get some coffee. It’s going to be a while before we get anything from here.”

Brenan nodded as she followed Booth along until they were at the diner. When the waitress took their order they both only got coffee. She said nothing, at first, but knew Booth had to overhear what Sweets was telling her. She thought there was no basis in what his theory was. Pie was pie. It was not a seduction tool. Sometimes the things Sweets said made her really question him and his degree. 

Before she could relay any of that to her there he was telling her that it was Hodgins. It triggered something in her that caused her flight response to kick in. She really wanted to be in Guatemala or Peru over being in Washington D.C. as a cannibalistic serial killer who worked at the Jeffersonian was out there. Or his apprentice was. She could not deny the facts but she did not have to listen to Sweets’ theory with no evidence regarding the matter. 

She needed evidence and that was exactly what she was going to find. 

“Bones -”

“No.” She shook her head as she made her way back to the lab. “I’m not going to talk about this. I am going to find evidence.”

“Look, I don’t like it anymore than you do, but it’s someone at the lab.”

“And you really think it’s Hodgins?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” Booth looked over at her. “I don’t know, Bones.”

“Well, I know the answer lies in the bones like it always does. I do not know who it is based off my gut or a psychological profile, but I will find it was hard evidence.” 

“I know you will.” 

Cam accusing Sweets only seemed to make her more irate. Brennan let out a sharp breath as she was listening to Cam go after her gut feeling. She was a scientist and a cop, but somehow, she was standing there leading with her gut. Brennan did not like it. She had much to say to Cam, but when Booth looked at her with a soft shake of his head she didn’t. 

She had no control in the situation. 

“She had a point.” Booth said once Cam left the room.

“We need more than gut feelings, Booth.” She replied with her arms crossed against her chest. 

“Let’s just talk to Sweets and see what he says. Plus,” he walked over to her, looking at her with a smirk across his lips, “I think he deserves a little payback for not telling you.”

“He knew I could handle the truth.”

“Nope.” Booth dismissed in his usual huff when he was going to become angry. “Don’t. Let’s just go talk to him.” 

Brennan said nothing else. She did find it quite satisfying to watch Booth arrest Sweets. Based on her gut, which she did not favor, he did not do it. That did not mean she ruled him out. She would only do that once all the evidence was in. Her gut rarely turned her in the correct direction and last time she focused on the feeling she knew that Booth was dead.

Except he was very much alive and she was lied to. 

“I’m going back to the lab, Booth.”

“You don’t wanna come watch me interrogate him?” He sounded a little disappointed.

“You can only lock him up for 72 hours. I need to make the most of my time.” Brennan said. “I’ll be at the lab.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

With that Brennan returned to the lab she got to work right away. Booth didn’t stop by for the rest of the night but did text her to ask if she wanted dinner. She told him she wasn’t hungry, but would meet him for breakfast in the morning. Truthfully, having a little space from him proved to do her good. 

There were too many emotions beneath the surface for her to think clearly when he was around. He put her through a lot when he was dead. Of course, she knew that asking him to break national security for her was irrational. She wished he would. Perhaps then he could prove that they were truly partners. 

Brennan had evidence that their partnership was solid but it felt as if the case put a fracture between them. Just like when she did not get on the boat with Sully. Despite Gordon Gordon doing his best to heal the fracture it existed for a great while before they seemed to naturally heal themselves as fractures did. 

It felt more like a break this time and those required much more to heal. 

A breath was let out as she used it to reset herself to focusing on the files on her computer. She knew exactly where the rest of the skeleton was. 

It was a few hours before they were ready to go through Modular Skeletal Storage. Protocol was important in a case like this. 

“How are you?” Angela asked quietly as they set her graduate students to work and Brennan was looking over a few bones on her own. 

“I’m fine.” Brennan’s response was automatic. “The answer is down here.” 

“That’s not what I meant.”

Brennan turned her head. “I know. Angela, I would appreciate it if you would not discuss this until the case is over. I need to focus on the case.” 

“I’m always going to check on you,” she put her hand on her shoulder, “but I’ll let you work.”

“Thank you.” 

Brennan worked until the answer became obvious right in front of her. She should have known the entire time. She had an idea while down in limbo. It became confirmed while on the platform, but she needed to see something on her laptop in order for her to make a declaration.

The moment Booth walked in she was certain. 

It was Zack. 

Saying the words aloud, the words she was near certain of on the platform, was nearly too much for her to handle. She felt another kind of pain. 

“Do you need a minute?” Booth asked. 

“No.” Brennan denied. “I know what needs to be done.”

“You cared about him. We all did, Bones. It’s not that simple.”

“Yes,” she moved past him, “it is.” 

The car ride to the hospital was quiet. Booth did not offer his normal words of comfort and she said nothing. She only thought about all the evidence and tried to make herself come to any other conclusion. She couldn’t, of course. The evidence could not be changed by force of will and seeing as she was not going to falsify evidence to save Zack there was only one thing left to do.

They had to talk to him. 

When they got there they continued with the silence until they got to the room. She looked at him in the bed as she could feel the tension in the room. 

The further she explained the fault in Zack’s logic the tension became all Booth’s, while hers became something else she was familiar with as of late. 

_ Sadness _ . 

With her forehead against Zack’s she let a tear slide down her cheek. She listened as he explained where exactly to find him. She moved to stand a little closer to Booth, letting their arms brush together, not taking her eyes off of Zack. She understood that he would respond to logic, but the logic wasn’t sound. Surely he had to have known that. 

“Let’s go.” Brennan said as she looked over at Booth. She needed to get out of the room.

“This is me, Bones. I’m going.” He said, stepping closer to her. “Stay here. Go stay with Cam. Call the others. I’m going to go get this son of a bitch.” 

Brennan nodded. “Okay.” 

“Thank you.” Booth mouthed before exiting the room. 

Brennan left the room and took a seat in the waiting room, her head in her hands. It was not supposed to end like this. She would have much rather it been someone from another department she barely spoke to. Not Zack. She only looked up when she heard footsteps and saw Angela walking towards her. 

“I can’t believe this.” She said as they embraced in a hug. 

“Me neither.” Brennan said. “But we have all the evidence. He did it.” 

“Yeah.” She said softly. 

Caroline showed up shortly after Angela. She said nothing to them as she walked into the room with the others she had with her and started to talk to Zack. She and Angela followed only to be joined by Sweets. She made no comment about how they released him. She was not in the mood to speak to anyone. Those were the moments where she wanted to run most. She didn’t and instead leaned her head against the wall. She was tired of thinking and tired of feeling. She wanted a drink and she wanted to spend some time... _ anywhere _ but there. She was sad. She was exhausted. She was...betrayed. She hated that feeling. 

A relief washed over her as Booth came back without injury. A look of concern flashed over her features as he admitted that the guy was dead. She knew he hated that. 

“Let me give you a ride.” Booth said as he walked next to her after they all decided to go back to the lab.

Brennan nodded as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you okay? I know you don’t like killing people.”

“This guy deserved it.” Booth replied. “Kill or be killed.” 

Brennan wasn’t certain he believed those words but she did not want to pull at that particular thread at the moment. Instead she just wanted to sit and  _ process _ . 

It was only the realization that she never gave him anything that really struck her. She gave Booth gifts. She gave Angela stuff. Never Zack, though. The thought never occurred to her. Not for any reason. Zack did not give her anything in return. They had a close relationship but not one based on gifts. 

She got up. It was too much. She never gave him anything. They all did. Even Booth gave him something. Booth would barely hold a conversation with Zack, but still gave him something. Brennan sat on the stairs. She could have gone to her office or her car. She just needed some distance without being reminded of things. The stairs felt like they were safe, a place where she could be, but not be too far. That and she knew Booth would follow her. 

He always did.

She was glad, this time, when he sat down next to her. Listening to the letter she remained silent, trying to hold it together, trying to not cry. She failed. She used her hand to wipe the tears that fell as her head was on Booth’s shoulder. It’d been a long couple of weeks and she felt... _ tired _ . From Booth to Sweet’s experiment, to Zack being Gormogon’s apprentice, she really didn’t know how to process everything in a way that everyone around her would consider... _ normal _ . 

Brennan was never quite normal. 

She felt the way Booth leaned his head against her own. A comforting weight. 

“Do you think Zack did this because of me?”

“ _ What _ ? No, Bones. You didn’t do this.”

Brennan wasn’t sure she was satisfied with that answer. “I went out into the field with you. I could have seen the signs had I been in the lab. I have been unfocused. I should have seen this.” She moved her head slightly so she could look up at him. Her eyes were brimming with tears she couldn’t quite contain no matter how much she tried. “Your death set me off kilter more than I have admitted.”

A flicker of surprise passed across Booth’s features. “I should have checked to make sure you knew.” 

They often came to those mutual conclusions whether neither was necessarily right or wrong. They simply were. Brennan leaned her head back on his shoulder, resting her eyes for just a moment. She felt comfort in him there. With him around she knew nothing was going to happen to her. 

“Will you take me home?”

“Yeah.” Booth said. “Come on, Bones. It’s been a long day.” 


	2. Chapter 2

On the way to her apartment Booth stopped to get Thai food from their favorite place without a word. He simply stopped the car and came back with the food. They didn't speak the duration of the car ride and she preferred the comfortable silence that settled between them as she found her thoughts racing. She wasn't ready to share them with Booth yet, or perhaps, _ever_.

The silence continued even as she pushed the food around her plate. Zack was heavy on her mind and everything that she could have done differently.

It was those kinds of emotions that Brennan often tried to avoid. She knew, logically, that only Zack could be responsible for his own actions. Even if Brennan spent more time in the lab there was nothing to say he would not have made his same choices.

Her eyes glanced up at Booth as she took a bite, only to look away when he met her gaze. She could feel him looking at her only to get the same result, a shift of her gaze when she met his eyes. Over and over. There were things they weren't saying. The silence was long mastered between the pair and she knew Booth wouldn't say anything until she did. Moments came in which she thought to say something. Every time she decided that it was the wrong thing to say.

She didn't want to ask Booth what to say so she took a bite to prevent the conversation from coming.

Two weeks ago she was sitting in her apartment crying over him and now he was there right before her as he shoved a fork full of food in his mouth. Now he was there, a healing scar from where the bullet entered his chest, but otherwise had no injuries. He was fine. _Healthy_ , even.

"What?"

Brennan only then realized she was staring. "Nothing."

Booth looked at her skeptically. "C'mon, Bones. I know that look. It means something is churning in that pretty little head of yours."

"I am thinking."

"What's new?"

"The DVD player."

Booth's brows furrowed for a moment before he turned his head. "That's not really what I meant."

She took a bite of her food so she could have another moment of silence before he asked her again what was on her mind. As much as she could be obsessive with finding out when something was wrong with him, he could be just as obsessive.

"Look, Zack isn't your fault and the internship was better than anything anyone of us gave him. Surprised he didn't have that framed with how much he admired you."

It wasn't what she was thinking about, so she nodded her head. "Why didn't you stop him?"

Booth set his fork down. "Because he wouldn't have listened to me. Zack couldn't understand what it was like out there without the evidence. He had to see for himself. He wanted to be like you."

"I don't imagine myself in Iraq."

"He wanted to get out of the lab." Booth settled on. "That lab is your life but even you have to admit our partnership broadened your horizons. You could go back, look at ancient decrepit bones all days and never leave the lab, but we both know that won't happen because you like being out of the lab and the work we do."

Brennan knew he was right. She was so angry at him after their first case, but she got him to take her out in the field. It was her condition. Their partnership changed everything.

"I wasn't thinking about Zack, but thank you."

"So we're back to what you were thinking about?"

Brennan ignored him as she took another bite of food. It was the most she'd eaten since his death and her plate was still mostly full.

"Not right now, Booth." She absolutely hated the pleading tone the four words came out in.

"I'm gonna grab another beer."

As he shifted from the table she remembered back to two weeks ago when she was sitting on the floor of her bathroom crying. She remembered it so clearly. The way she played the voicemail he left her that she never listened to. It was nothing important. He told her that they were going to go have breakfast at the diner. They'd done that a million times before. But when she thought he was dead the simple act felt as if it had more meaning.

She had convinced Angela to go home to Hodgins and she would be fine. She spent hours on that floor. Even after she stopped crying she didn't want to move. She replayed it over and over until she couldn't anymore. Now she had the real Booth in front of her.

Setting her fork down she looked at him. Her eyes sought out his features, running along his most prominent features, the one that made him all Booth. Booth in the way he never wanted to talk about and she didn't bring up. Certainly not as they sat there eating the same thai food that they always did.

The same act was now different.

Something had changed.

It **terrified** her.

"I'm sorry you had to kill Gormogon, Booth." Brennan finally spoke. "I know you don't like when you have to kill."

It was something she already expressed when they were at the hospital. That time, though, she felt like she could be his shoulder if he needed it. Or it was a safe topic because she knew that he would not talk about it. Booth rarely lingered on things that made him uncomfortable. Whether it was his past as a sniper, sex, or significant relationships he clammed up before they had a chance to have a real conversation about it.

That made it safe.

"It's okay, Bones." He took a sip of the beer, making a slight face. "I knew that was how it was going down."

"Still." She whispered. "I don't regret killing Pam." The name felt awful coming from her, like the woman didn't deserve anything, which she didn't. She was addressing something that weighed heavily upon her. She never did speak of it. Not to Cam, not to Sweets, not even to Angela who was desperate for her to open up at all. "I find it quite…" she didn't really know the word, " _uncomfortable_."

"Only you would call killing uncomfortable."

"I'm trying, Booth." Suddenly she felt defensive as she looked away from him.

"I'm sorry. I know you are."

She stayed silent for a while longer. He was staring directly at her and she was unsure if she should share. They always shared. Booth knew more about her than anyone else ever had or likely ever would. She could only share in places where she felt comfortable and no one could make her feel as comfortable as Booth did. "I'm not as cold as you think."

"Hey," he said, placing his hand over hers, "I know you aren't, Bones."

"What I said -"

"It's fine." He dismissed.

"You were angry with me."

"You were angry with _me_." Booth challenged.

"Perhaps, we were angry with each other would be more accurate." She said quietly as she turned her hand over underneath his, wrapping her fingers around his, giving a comforting squeeze. She was scared to admit anything more so she didn't. What would he say if she said she spent most of the two weeks crying? That his death hurt her? Would he look at her differently? Would he try to make things different than what they were? Would he dismiss it as two people who were partners? Sully lost his partner. He mentioned being hurt but he hardly mentioned sitting on the bathroom floor crying over a voicemail.

"It just hurt for you to say that you thought my funeral was a waste of time, Bones. That's all. I'll get over it." Booth shrugged but didn't let go of her hand.

Her brows furrowed. "You know how I feel about talking at graves. The dead can't hear us, Booth."

"And you know I don't believe that."

"You were dead, Booth." She found her voice raising against her better judgement. From the first moment they met he set her off kilter. "It didn't matter what you believed because you were killed. You took a bullet for me. You were _dead_. The dead have no desires. There are no thoughts or actions. There is no free will. There is simply a blackness."

"Now that matters?" He replied. "You told me it only went so far. I thought I used up my almost dying for my partner points."

"You didn't tell me."

"It was _national security_ , Bones." Booth took his hand away from hers, almost too quickly, as if she burned him. "Do you think I liked doing that to you?"

"I have a higher clearance then you." Brennan replied with a certain coolness as she set her hand in her lap. "I am trustworthy."

"We've been over this." He ground out. "Sweets made the call."

"You should have called me."

"I didn't even get to call my son, Bones!" He got up and ran his hand through his hair. "I can't keep having this argument. I'm sorry I hurt you. I _fucked_ up. I don't know what else you want from me."

Somewhere, deep inside, Brennan knew she was being unfair. She should have told Booth the truth about Sweets experiment, but she knew that having Booth beat him up would be bad for his job. The bureau would hardly look kindly upon him beating up his therapist. In some way she was rationalizing it to protect him, when Booth likely didn't need her protection.

Booth always needed protection from her. He just would never admit it.

"Maybe I should just go." Booth spoke when Brennan said nothing.

"Don't." She said all too quickly, standing up. "I understand."

Booth looked over at her and waited for her to say something else. .

"I understand why you couldn't call." She elaborated. "I...find myself acting _illogically_ over the past couple of weeks. It has been quite difficult and I would appreciate it if you stayed."

"I'll stay." Booth said as he sat back down. "I would never hurt you intentionally, Bones. I need you to know that. I took that bullet to save your life. Had I known what Sweets was going to do I would have found some way to let you know."

"I know that, Booth."

"So, we're good?"

"Yeah, we are." Brennan nodded and forced a smile on her lips.

They weren't.

* * *

Booth knew that things between them weren't the same. He knew the moment she punched him before slipping back into her hyper rational nature. He knew it even more when Zack turned out to be the killer. He knew it the way she was struggling to hold herself together.

He also knew that he couldn't have that specific fight anymore. He was pretty sure there was something she wasn't saying. He just didn't know what it was. For as much as he knew Bones he also didn't know everything, as much as he would have liked to know every single part of her. There was always a certain mystery to her. Normally, he loved that. There was something enchanting, _hot_ even, about not being able to figure out her one hundred percent. Booth only found himself eager to have all the answers in front of him so that they could go back to normal.

They finished eating. Neither of them ate much before putting the leftovers away in the fridge. They moved to her couch where he flipped through the channels and she sat there quietly. No book. No laptop. She just sat there next to him with her eyes on the television and her legs curled underneath her.

"When was the last time you watched this much television?" Booth asked as he tried to lighten the mood.

"Never." Brennan replied, not taking her eyes off from the television. "I would rather read. I do not find I have the mindset to read currently. I would rather my brain turn to _mush_ ," a phrase clearly taken from him, "even if that is not possible."

"Yeah, but we can get close."

He got into the movie that was playing and when he glanced over he could see that she fell asleep. Slowly, he got up and put a blanket over her, turning off the television, and snuck out of the apartment. By the time he made it back to his apartment it was nearly four in the morning. He showered and changed before he laid down in bed.

For as hard as he tried to sleep he found it nearly impossible. He stared at the ceiling. He counted sheep. He prayed a lot. He ran through the saints in his head. He tried everything he could think of. It always ended with him shooting his eyes open at the very last minute.

His mind kept shifting back to Zack. They should have all seen it coming. Just like he shouldn't have dismissed Sweets the way he did when he said Pam was dangerous. He was right. _Mostly_. He was wrong about Hodgins being the one. Even he and Bones weren't perfect. They made mistakes along the way. They got things wrong.

Booth was tired of thinking and closed his eyes again. Sleeping after killing someone was always difficult for him. He felt no sympathy for a cannibalistic serial killer. He just hated adding to his tally even if that meant less people died in the end. He would rather have people in prison. Same outcome, different result on his conscience.

His eyes opened again as he replayed the events in his head over and over again. The agent that Gormogon had thrown a knife would be okay. The bullet proof vest helped when the knife went flying through the air. He needed to be taken out. Booth knew that.

He couldn't help but think what if he had to kill Zack? A dumb train of thought as it was _Zack_. He did kill someone though, didn't he? It was over. He didn't have to kill Zack. Why did he worry over something that hadn't and wouldn't happen?

Booth didn't think he and Bones could have ever come back from that. Even for how rational she was there were certain things she would get over. He remembered how upset with him she was when he let Zack go to Iraq. Her father being arrested was fine, but sending Zack into a war zone fractured them. How did that make any sense? She was so irrational in the oddest of moments.

He wouldn't have it any other way.

He noticed how close she and Zack were. The way the tears fell from both of them as Brennan got him to talk in the hospital room, the way she placed her forehead against his own. Without her he wasn't sure he'd of gotten the information. In fact, he knew that.

It would be a very long time for Bones to come back from this. Even longer than when Zack went to Iraq. That was the moment he changed.

It changed them all.

Booth couldn't remember the person he was before the military. He had always been a bit more serious. After trying to avoid blows from his dad, worrying that his dad would kill his mom, and trying to keep Jared out of trouble there wasn't a lot of room to be a kid. When he came home from the Middle East the gambling problem came in full force. It was exhausting trying to hide that from people.

It fractured his fragile relationship with Rebecca. He received too many talks from Pops that he needed to get his shit together. Even Jared had something to say about it. Not that they spoke often. Jared only really seemed to call him when he got in trouble. That was how it had always been.

Bones did manage to ground him though and make him stick to those gambler anonymous meetings. Not the only reason seeing as she hated him. But he realized there was much more to lose than to gain. Without Parker and Bones he was sure he'd be deep in PTSD and gambling problems, _again_.

When Booth heard the knock on the door he looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was seven. Too early to exist with basically no sleep. He nodded off and on. Mostly off.

"Good morning, Bones."

"I brought coffee." She handed him a cup.

"You could have just used the key." He said with a yawn as he moved into his apartment and took a seat on the stool. He was sure he looked as shitty as he felt.

"You seemed angry last time." Brennan replied. "Knocking is the correct approach. I also brought pie in case I needed to use the key to get in."

"Uh, thanks."

Booth really couldn't think about what Sweets said with the pie. _Seduction_ , right. Was it seduction if she was the one bringing him pie? _Nope_. Not going down that road.

"Why didn't we just go to the diner?"

"Because," Brennan looked at him, handing him the container, "this is bribery."

"Didn't know you knew the concept."

"I won't bore you with the anthropological history of bribery." She seemed on edge, jittery almost, and she was _never_ jittery.

"What am I being bribed for?"

"I want to see Zack." Brennan said after a moment of silence.

Booth shook his head. "Bones-"

"Before you say anything," she was a little nervous if the way she took a seat and had that look on her face was anything to go by, "you owe me."

"I owe you?" He took a sip of the coffee, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Yes." She nodded. "The psychological effects of your death left a lasting impression on me. I clearly know that you saved my life, however, I believe it would greatly aid my….mental health if you granted me this favor."

"Did you get that from Sweets?" Booth tried not to chuckle. It came out anyway.

"I am trying to sound like him, yes."

"I don't think that is quite what he would say." He said, opening his piece of apple pie. "I can't make any promises. It's only been a day."

" _Please_ , Booth." She stared at him with that soft look she only used when she wanted something, which wasn't often. "I would go down to the hospital myself, but I don't think I can scare the agent outside his door without you or Caroline being notified."

He thought about it for a moment. "Can I change at least?"

"Of course." She nodded satisfactorily while she ate her own piece of cheesecake. "I'll wait here."

Booth didn't even finish his pie the way she was looking at him before he changed into some jeans, his favorite shirt, and grabbed the new jacket he bought. He would miss the green one he wore everywhere but he was lost in the whole being shot thing. Small casualty.

"Let me finish the pie." He reached for the peace once he came out of his room.

"Hurry." She said, demanded, even. "I want to see him before they move him."

The look she gave him was enough for him to eat it down as quickly as he could before grabbing the coffee.

"You didn't offer me any." Brennan commented as they walked down to the car. "Is this about what Sweets' said?"

"Can we not?"

"He doesn't know what he is talking about." She replied as she got into the car. "Pie has nothing to do with seduction. I do not like my fruit cooked and you do."

"Exactly." Booth said, wishing the conversation would end.

"If you wanted to have sex with me you would simply say so."

" _Right_." Booth kept his eyes straight ahead. He was not above the...desires that found him when it came to Bones. Definitely didn't need to be having that conversation with her. Now or ever.

"But there's the line."

"Yes, the line." Booth had honestly forgotten about that conversation. "We can't cross the line."

"No, we can't."

Booth let out a deep breath. It was going to be a long day. He found out from Caroline that Zack was going to move until the evening. She didn't ask what he was doing and he didn't tell her. Caroline would have to tell him no and well, he didn't mind to be acting against things if it was for Bones. Like she said he had broken protocol for her before.

When they got to the hospital he parked but didn't move to get out of the car. "Are you sure about this?"

"I need to do this, Booth." Brennan looked over at him, pleading eyes, soft and sad, but still determined.

"Zack knows you cared about him."

"Does he?" She whispered softly, looking at him with sadness all over his face. "I left him for you."

Booth didn't comment on how that sounded. She would deny it and that was a pointless conversation.

"I should have been there. I barely spent any time in the lab since he came back. He needed me and I wasn't there." Brennan said. "I took him coming back as an excuse to go out with you. I didn't even think twice about it."

"Bones. You can't think about it like that. You didn't fail him."

"Yes, I did." She opened the car door. "I have to do this, Booth. Just let me do this."

"Let's go."

* * *

Brennan had an unfamiliar feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was different from the anxiety she felt when Cam interrupted her in her office. It was dreadful, almost. Maybe fear. She was a scientist. She would always be a scientist. She needed answers and needed to know the truth.

The conversation with Booth in the car about pie was simply her trying to distract herself. She could recognize that. Sex was not on her mind.

She could see where Zack was lying in his hospital bed, eyes closed, the agent standing outside of his door. Brennan stopped before she got too close. Booth was standing next to her. "I need to do this alone."

"I know," Booth replied, "but I'll be right outside the room."

"He's not going to hurt me."

"I don't care. You could have come alone but you didn't." Booth looked over at her. "Take it or leave it."

"I didn't know if the agent would let me pass."

"Of course, that's it."

"What else could it be?" She didn't expect an answer but walked towards the door. Zack was on her mind as she saw him lying in the bed. He looked peaceful and like he wasn't someone who killed another person. She could bicker with Booth later.

"Fifteen minutes, Dr. Brennan. That's how long it will take me to get a cup of coffee." The agent said as he looked over at her. "When I come back you need to be gone."

Brennan knew that was Booth's doing. She would thank him later. The sliding glass door opened as she stepped through it. There was almost a sort of hesitation in her. She knew what she wanted to say, while also not knowing what to say.

It was unfamiliar.

"Dr. Brennan." Zack said as he opened his eyes to look at her.

"Hi, Zack." She pulled a chair closer to the bed.

"They told me I wasn't allowed to have any visitors until after my psychiatric hold."

"Booth." She answered. "How are you feeling?"

"My neurons are firing as they should. I find that the sensation in my hands is far more intense than I expected, even with knowledge of how intense the explosion would be. I do not like the dreams the medication gives me. Without Hodgins here to push the button for me I find I am quite alert."

Brennan let out a breath. "I'm sorry, Zack."

"For what? You had no knowledge of what I was doing."

" _Exactly_." Brennan would have taken his hand in any other circumstance but she settled for clasping her own in her lap. She wasn't scared of anything. Not Zack. He would never hurt her, but that still didn't make things...easy. "I should have been there. I should have given you more."

"You gave me everything I could have asked for."

"That's what Booth said."

"Thank you." Zack said unexpectedly.

Brennan frowned. "I'm proud of you, Zack."

"That's all I ever wanted."

"I should have told you that." Brennan replied. Suddenly, she couldn't ask all the questions she wanted to ask. She couldn't understand the logic, but what Caroline said didn't make any sense either. Zack wasn't weak. This wasn't Zack. "You are my favorite student. You are brilliant and there will never be anyone who can replace you."

"Why did you come to see me, Dr. Brennan?"

"I was going to ask why, trying to find the logic in your reasoning, but I found I cannot ask." She had an obsessive need to know the truth. Only as she sat there the truth almost scared her. In some ways she did not want to hear what he said and worry she could be like him. It wasn't often that she worried like that.

"I cannot share what I know."

"Booth killed Gormogon."

"If I share what I know you will not be proud of me anymore." He said quietly, glancing over at her softly. "Ever since you found the gap in my logic I have been questioning everything. I have to admit I made a mistake."

"I was always proud of you." She noted she didn't say anything about her current state of being. Zack betrayed her. She found everything to be complicated and messy in ways she did not enjoy. It was a similar conflict to how she felt when it seemed as if her father would get out of jail. He murdered someone but he was her father.

Zack murdered someone but he was... _Zack_.

"Caroline said that this happened because a strong personality preyed on your weaker one."

Zack only blinked at her. "I'm not weak."

"I know." She nodded, wishing she could grab his hand, some kind of contact. She remained seated. "Psychology. It's a soft science. I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry we failed you."

"You didn't, Dr. Brennan." Zack replied, a soft shake of his head. "I'm different now than I was before. I changed and everyone stayed the same. If anything I failed you."

Before anything else could be said the door opened Brennan saw the guard standing there. "You aren't allowed to be here, Dr. Brennan."

Brennan placed a kiss on Zack's forehead. She didn't say goodbye. That was so final. "I'll come see you." She wasn't sure that was a promise she could keep.

She exited the room and immediately set her eyes on Booth. "Thank you." She whispered as she put her arms around him in a hug.

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

"No." Brennan shook her head. "But I needed to see him one last time."

"You can visit him."

"I know."

She decided she wouldn't and she knew Booth knew that, too.

* * *

They wound up at the bar that was down the street from Booth's apartment. It was a place they went sometimes when the case needed a drink versus dinner at the diner. It seemed a lot of their most recent cases landed them there. Booth sat at the bar top with his body slightly angled towards Brennan's. A drink was nice. Not fighting was nice. Seeing her in a world of hurt over Zack, though...he could do without that.

"I need to find a new intern." Brennan said as she finished most of her beer.

"You will," Booth said, "you have a million grad students."

"32 is not a million."

"Fine. You can find one out of 32." He took a sip of his drink. "Surely someone can help out for a while."

"No one will be Zack."

"Does this mean you're back to being in the lab?"

"I have to be in the lab, Booth." Brennan took a sip. "We can't solve murders if you don't have a forensic anthropologist to look at the remains. Cause of death doesn't appear out of nowhere."

"When Zack was in Iraq you never came out with me." He reminded her. "Look, I know you need to be in the lab and I'm not asking you to be out with me doing everything. Just when it comes down to the important stuff. We work better as a team." He could work with her less out in the field. That wasn't the problem. It was that she holed herself up in the lab and would barely even talk to him. He liked to think they were closer a few months ago when Cam was hired.

"Clearly a mistake was made." Brennan sighed. "I should have been in the lab. I could have seen it. I don't need to spend more time chasing suspects."

"You really know how to make a guy think you care, Bones." Booth said as he called the bartender over for a shot.

"I care, Booth."

"You said my funeral was a waste of time." Booth was moving down a slippery slope. He downed the shot without glancing at her. It was not the time for being honest, but no one ever said he had great timing. "You told Sweets you thought he made the right choice in not telling you since you can compartmentalize. Did my death mean anything to you?"

"I can compartmentalize. There was work to be done."

"Yeah, a 500 year old dead guy mattered more than your partner. Cam filled me in." Booth let out a breath. They were not going to fight in the middle of a bar.

"He had a family. Yours knew you were alive." She snapped back, taking a long sip of her drink. "You didn't care whether I knew or not, otherwise you would have called me personally. "

"You didn't and you still didn't care." Booth stood up. "You thought I was dead and still called my funeral a waste of time. You shed more tears for Zack then me." Sweets would call him jealous and Booth wouldn't even have the ability to disagree.

"You know I care."

"Do I?"

"Yes." Brennan stood up. "You're just being," there was a pause, " _stupid_."

"Not sure I do." Booth said as he left some money for the drinks and left before they were screaming at each other. It all felt like it came out of nowhere. Bones didn't follow him and he never expected her to. There was a heavy weight between the two of them and he didn't know what to expect. Something had to give. He just picked a bad time to push it.

Frankly, he _wanted_ to push it. He wanted to see some kind of actual emotion out of her since she seemed like his death was nothing but a minor inconvenience. He saw her crack a little in his bathroom before she went back to simply not caring.

He shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked down the street to his apartment. His feelings were only growing for her. He could deny them all he wanted, but they were there. He never lost that attraction to her from their very first case. It only grew and grew until he felt like he would explode.

He was exploding. If he rushed her, though, she would run. Probably to Peru or Antarctica. She would try to get as far away from her as possible.

Except he was rushing her, wasn't he?

The rain started to pour down on him and he got even more irritated. At her, at himself, and definitely at stupid mother nature who had terrible timing.

"Fuck." He muttered to himself as he picked up the pace to his apartment. It wasn't that far from the bar but he wound up soaked through regardless. The minute he got inside he slammed the door behind him and tried to peel the leather jacket off of him. Last time he wore that with how glued in he felt.

Booth ran a hand through his hair as tried to gather some sense he could feel the one too many shots moving through his body. He _rushed_ her.

He told sweets not to do that and he did it anyway.

Everything was so complicated when it came to her, yet, so uncomplicated. He knew what he wanted. He always did.

He was standing in the kitchen with his hands braced on the edge of the counter when his door burst open. Booth beard the sound before he saw her. He didn't have to move from where he was standing to know it was her.

She was soaked from the rain as she had that look of anger on her face when she came into his line of sight. It was different from the one she gave him in the bathroom, though. It was mixed with hurt. More hurt than when she thought he didn't trust her.

"How can you think I don't care about you?" The anger was coming off of her in waves as her hair was damp. "After everything?"

"The same way you acted like I didn't care about you when I took a damn **bullet** for you." He replied as he folded his arms in a defensive manner across his chest.

"You shouldn't have."

"That's what partners do. You would have taken it for me." There was no denial there. "I didn't think. I acted."

"That doesn't give you permission to **die**." She got out as she moved forward. "Do you know why I wasn't crying? Booth? Because I cried every single day for 2 weeks. I couldn't cry anymore. I was out of tears."

"Bones -"

"I played your voicemail over and over just to hear your voice." She admitted as the tears were brimming in her eyes, voice cracking. "I killed her for you, booth."

"Thank you." Booth said quieter than anything else. "Bones," he moved closer to her, putting his hand on her cheek, "I'm right here."

"When I close my eyes all I can see is her shooting you." She leaned into his touch, her hand braced on his bicep, whispering the words. "Now with Zack I find all my feelings... _confused_."

"Hey, _Temperance_ ," he murmured, "you're not going to lose me."

"What about next time? It's not the first time you've been shot at."

"I always turn out fine."

"I do not find comfort in you making light of this Booth."

He brushed his thumb against her cheek as a tear fell. "I'm sorry." He rested his forehead against hers. "For everything."

Brennan leaned into him. "I'm scared, Booth."

Booth didn't say anything as he kept her near. He relished in how she wasn't running, she was talking to him, and the moment around them was existing in ways his imagination couldn't have drawn up.

"Between Zack, _you_. I can't survive losing anyone else."

"You won't. "

"You can't promise me that." She moved closer, breathing heavily, opening her eyes to look at him. "I need you."

Booth stiffened slightly. There was no way Bones didn't know the meaning he would take from that, but he had no way of knowing how she meant it. Or his thoughts were heading towards the gutter when she was being sincere. Either way he didn't move any further.

He was silent and still. He didn't dare move or speak. He wasn't stupid. He knew his feelings for her were growing by the day. He wanted her the moment they met. They almost went home together. Until she got mad at him. By the time they met again he had Tessa then Cam. She had Sully. They had drawn the line.

Everything was changing, though.

She didn't get on the boat with Sully. He hadn't dated anyone else.

They were both changing. They weren't the same and with how close she was to him, how she admitted how much his death hurt her, how ever since Zack she was leaning on him more and more.

"You will always have me." A safe answer. Booth was too afraid to rock the very fragile boat they were in.

That was always the way Booth kept their partnership intact...by being too damn afraid to do anything else.

* * *

Brennan couldn't move from where she was. She wanted to be so much closer to Booth she felt like she was burning. His death taught her so much in such a short amount of time. She needed him. There was no Brennan without Booth.

She knew she would survive if she didn't have him in her life. She was Temperance Brennan before him and she would Temperance Brennan after him.

Somehow, she felt so intertwined with him. When he died they treated her more like a girlfriend and not a partner. Angela and Cam were sad, but she felt _ruined_.

It terrified her.

Sweets wasn't necessarily wrong because it made her deal with scary feelings. She would never tell him that he was right. It was a soft science and he often was wrong about her, about _them_.

She wasn't thinking about Sweets though. Instead she was thinking about Booth and how much safer she felt in his arms. Her forehead was still against his. She needed more, to feel him, to explore things that had only been in her mind since that first case together. She wanted everything Booth had to offer.

Sex was a biological need. It was natural. She always had a desire inside of her for him. She was more than certain the feeling was mutual.

Except as she stood there she wasn't particularly aroused. She didn't want to fuck. She wanted to be closer to him. She simply wouldn't admit why. Some part of her also knew Booth wouldn't tug at that particular string unless he knew why.

Brain and heart.

Brennan and Booth.

_That's a lot of heart, Bones._

That moment began her shift. The way he sounded when he said it, the way he spoke on the stand, the words he said even when they both knew they were playing it loose with the laws. _A different interpretation of existing facts, an alternate story,_ she said but they knew better. She was trying to get her father off a murder charge even though he was guilty. Booth didn't judge her for it.

"Booth." She murmured softly, pulling back her head from him slightly, allowing her fingers to brush over his cheek as he had done for her moments before.

People left but Booth didn't. He never did.

He was always there.

Except now she was scared she was putting herself out there and he truly saw them as only partners. She wasn't always adept at reading the signs, the looks, the body language. She had an urge to run but instead stayed firmly planted.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant." He whispered after a moment.

She was uncertain if this was the rejection or if he was buying his time to say something. He didn't move so neither did she. She gazed upon him, the scientist in her searching for the truth, the woman in her searching for something else entirely.

They were both still wet from the rain. Without him she was sure she would be freezing. She felt the warmth consume her as they stood there.

"I find my brain is neutral and my heart is in overdrive." She tried another approach. She had to know what he was thinking, what he wanted. Brennan needed him to speak.

She was putting her friendship and partnership with him on the line.

It felt right.

If he didn't care then she could move forward. They could be partners. They would get new interns. Their new normal could change.

"I need you to say something." She hated how childlike she felt she sounded. As if she was pleading for something.

In a lot of ways she was.

Pleading for him to be there, to never leave her, to never betray her, but she knew she was pleading with him to love her.

Booth knew what he had always known - they were fated.

He didn't need Bones to believe in fate for him to know the truth. They were going to be together - _someday_. Did he think that it was that moment? No.

"I can't be your one night distraction." Booth eventually said, whispering the words, eyes set on her. "I'm an all or nothing kind of guy."

Even when things were casual with Rebecca or Cam they turned into a relationship of some sort. They sought each other out time and time again. Cam was the last time he slept with anyone and now here Bones was offering herself to him.

He couldn't just take it for what it was.

He'd never been that guy.

"I know." Brennan said as she only pushed herself against him more firmly.

The names of the saints went through his mind as he tried to not find himself focusing on how her body against his felt as good as it did. His heart felt like it was going to beat firmly out of his chest.

"Life is short, Booth." She added. "Logically, I should be running the other way but these last few weeks have only confirmed my hypothesis."

"What is your hypothesis?"

"That only death will separate us." She whispered. "You have been there for me through everything. You are my boulder."

"Rock." He corrected her automatically. "I am your rock."

" _Yes_." She agreed. "I have seen a lot of death in my career. Yours is the only one, aside from my mother, that has shaken me to my core. I could continue on without you. I would survive. I don't want to. I want you."

Booth was certain his heart all but leaped out of his chest. Maybe he dreamt of this moment, used it as an inappropriate fantasy, thought about what a moment like the one before them would be like. It was never like this.

It was quiet, it was charged, it was emotional. In a lot of versions they fought and came to the conclusion before them. They weren't fighting now. They were holding on for dear life. As if something was going to tell them they needed to part and it would be the end.

She was right...only death could separate them now.

He did the only thing he knew to do and he kissed her. The last of the distance between them was gone as his lips hers. The kiss was different from the other times they kissed.

The first time they were filled with desire, lust, only knowing so much about another. The second was for Caroline. After that he could barely even think straight and spent the entire night lying in bed, trying to find the strength to be a good Catholic boy and not succumb to his urges.

Now he melted right into her as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. Her own hands moved to the side of his neck, holding him.

It was soft and tender.

They only parted to take a breath before they were kissing again. That time with more fever, more want, more everything.

Wordlessly, he pulled from her, grabbing her hand in his own as he led her to the bedroom.

Brennan had let men lead her to the bedroom before, but with Booth it was different. She knew it would be different. She could only assume they would be making love by how he defined it. That thrilled her in ways other men couldn't. She had plenty of sex but she never had a deep emotional connection like with Booth.

Not Pete. Not Michael. Not even Sully.

The door shut behind them and she found she was closing the distance between them. Her lips were on his as her entire body felt like it needed to be his. She was warm and aroused. The events of the past weeks off of her mind. She was only thinking of him.

She peeled her damp jacket off before placing her hands under his shirt, touching the muscles of his abdomen, tugging the useless piece of clothing off.

His bandage was off and she saw the still healing mark where the bullet went through his chest. Her finger gently brushed over it as he sat on the bed, pulling her with him. She straddled him as he laid back, her eyes not leaving the scar.

"Does it still hurt?"

"Yes."

"Even now?" She whispered as she could feel his erection forming beneath her, rocking herself against him.

"A little less."

It was his turn to peel her shirt from her. Brennan made a quick removal of her bra. Shame was not a word she knew. Now she only felt the desire deepening within her. She wanted Booth to see and touch all of her.

He looked at her the way all people wanted to be looked at. It was more than desire, even if she still found herself hesitant to use the word. It was more than a chemical reaction in the brain.

He wrapped his hand around her wrist to keep her from brushing her thumb against the scar. She stilled. She watched him. Waited for him to make his move. He was the alpha male. He would. It thrilled her even more.

He undid the button of her jeans, slipping his hand inside, below the underwear she would soon lose to touch her. She raised her hips to feel more, to revel in the feeling of his skin on hers, to feel his fingers brushing against her.

She had satisfied herself many times to visions like this but him doing it felt much better.

A gasp fell from her mouth as he brushed against her sensitive clit. " _Booth_." She breathed as she rocked herself against his hand, desperate for more contact, wrapping her hand around his wrist so he didn't stop, holding on tight.

"Take off your pants."

It was probably the only time she ever listened to his order blindly. When they were in the field she fought to be an equal. She didn't _like_ his alpha male tendencies. She wanted to fight, to have a gun, to do the same job he did. But in that moment she just needed him.

Within moments she was entirely naked in front of him. She bit back a smile when he looked at her the way he was. Brennan moved forward to remove him from his last articles of clothing. She resumed her position on his lap.

She missed his fingers but when she began to rock herself against his cock, teasing them both, feeling the familiar pangs of pleasure rush through her clit, through her entire body she was satisfied for the moment.

That gasp turned moan that Booth made only aid in her pleasure.

Within a second she found herself on her back and Booth above her. A smile on her face as she looked up at him, kissing him, pulling him close to her as she moaned against his mouth.

She breathed heavier, letting out a gasp, eager to feel any part of him.

"Patience." He warned her softly as he brushed his lips down her jawline, her neck, kissing and nipping playfully st her skin, hands roaming every inch of her.

She only felt herself grow wetter at what she could see he was doing. Her attraction and affection for him made it easy for her to succumb to her every desire.

Booth kissed down her body, nipping at her skin, heightening her arousal before his mouth was on her. She nearly felt like she was going to jump out of her own body, impossible, the minute the warmth of his tongue was on her. Brennan pressed herself against his mouth, needy, mind falling from the wayside, letting him pleasure her.

A hand went to his head, threading her fingers through his hair, pushing him against her. She was trying to comply as best she could, but she was still herself.

His hand was on her hip, holding her down, not letting her move. It felt excruciating as she felt pleasure move through her entire body.

"Booth," she moaned out, whining almost, needing more. "Booth. Please."

He only kept his actions up. The way his tongue explored every inch of her, paying special attention to her clit, kissing and sucking at some of the most sensitive areas of her body.

She couldn't hold on much longer. A final swipe of his tongue and she came undone for him. "Booth, fuck," she breathed as she lost any last sense of control, letting the orgasm rush through her, him making that happen for her.

As she gained her senses back his mouth was on hers again. "I've wanted to do that since we met."

She smiled against his lips, wrapping her legs around him. "You are very talented, Booth."

Her hand slipped between them, finding his cock, feeling the nice, heavy weight between them. With the chaos that was their lives she couldn't even appreciate the sight of him from their encounter when he was in the bathtub. He was very well endowed and that was only confirmed with her in his hand. He pushed himself against her, throbbing, needing more.

Her entire body was still on fire for him.

"I need more." She whispered as her thumb brushed against the tip of him, his arousal proving evident, giving her more momentum as she used her hand on him.

Later she vowed to feel him in her mouth.

With his lips on her neck, he reached to the nightstand. "You can have me any way you want." He breathed against her as he handed her the condom.

She wasted no time in putting it on before her mouth found his again. "Show me how to make love, booth."

After his speech in the diner she needed to know. She was a scientist. She needed to see for herself. Evidence.

His kiss turned tender, softer, as he entered her in one swift movement. She moaned loudly against his mouth as the sensation of him filling her so completely sent her spinning.

They fit. Metaphorically as well as literally.

As soon as she started moving she felt the waves of pleasure move through her body. He grabbed one of her hands, lacing their fingers together, only depending on the connection the two of them felt.

"Bones," he moaned softly as his forehead was against her own, eyes closed as his face twisted from the pleasure.

It was almost scary how her body responded to his every touch as if she'd never been touched before. " _Oh_." She breathed as he shifted the angle of his hips and made her feel so much better than anything before. "Don't stop."

His mouth was on hers again as they moved together. It was unlike any of her fantasies. It was more. Everything was heightened. As much as she wanted to orgasm she felt that connection only deepen with him.

As if this was the final thing between them. There was no going back. They could only move forward.

Her orgasm hit her quick, still sensitive from his mouth, from everything. She kissed him with a heightened passion as she squeezed around him.

His own did not take long to come. She felt the way he lost his control. His kisses slowed, as did the rest of him.

It was leisurely. It was perfect. It was _theirs_.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://laurelsalexis.tumblr.com/) if you wanna chit chat.


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